“You don’t have to see the whole staircase, just take the first step.” ~ Martin Luther King, Jr.
We’ve all had the experience of getting in the groove with something, exercising, playing an instrument, eating healthily, practicing meditation, and then letting one week slip by without doing that activity. Then without meaning to skip it again, that one week stretches to two weeks, and becomes a month, two, etc.
A friend of mine voiced it well on Facebook. “Why do I always procrastinate on my Chi Gong practice when I know it’s something I want to do?” Someone else commented, “Welcome to the human race.” which made me giggle in resigned recognition.
For me, making time to write a new blog piece has slipped over the last couple months. I couldn’t find a topic to settle on and as days passed, it felt harder to follow up and take that risk of sharing again. I often have trouble discerning whether I really do just need a break from writing and a bit more time for reflection, or if this is part of my tendency to procrastinate.
I notice that when I procrastinate about writing, there may be something I would really like to write about, a real need to create and delve deeper, while at the same time, an old fear of being visible surfaces. I get blocked by self-doubt and a strong sense of unworthiness. Maybe the writers and artists (and others) among you will sigh in recognition.
There is always a challenge for me in being seen even as my creative side longs to be expressed and truly acknowledged. It was a relief to see my friend’s post on Facebook lamenting her procrastination and the subsequent humorous comment. What a timely reminder for me and, perhaps for you, that we are part of the human race and we get to be alive now and present in this moment.
So, in the spirit of letting go of my many missed chances, I am glad to take this opportunity, the wonderful one I have now, to start writing again and sharing with you. I would also love to hear any stories or comments you have about how you work with your own tendencies to procrastinate, and what helps you move past them.
Thank you,
Eliza
Yes, I do “know” what you are talking about! I am a new blogger so at this point I have lots of things to write about, and I don’t tend to be a procrastinator. But I do have energy about being seen, both a strong drive to be seen, and an old fear of being seen. Makes for an interesting dilemma. I’m glad I saw your post.
Thanks for your comment, Karuna! Good luck with your new blog! Cheers,
Eliza
Eliza,
Yep – I’m sighing in recognition at your words. 🙂 What you say is true for me both in my meditation practice and in writing, whether blogging or creative fiction writing. One missed session can so easily spiral into a whole pattern of skipping, even when that runs counter to my deepest intent and desire. It’s sad.
I particularly liked your comment “I notice that when I procrastinate about writing, there may be something I would really like to write about, a real need to create and delve deeper, while at the same time, an old fear of being visible surfaces. I get blocked by self-doubt and a strong sense of unworthiness.” For me, the blockage often seems to be a combination of fear (what if I write and what I write is terrible) and despair (even if what I write is good, what’s the point – no one’s going to read it anyway). I have the most success when I feel myself filled with words that want to be written, when I can become not so much a sculptor as a midwife. Then it’s just a question of getting out of my own way.
Maitri,
Michelle
Hi Michelle,
Yes, fear and despair, exactly. A friend was asking me after she read this what the difference is between procrastination and Writer’s Block or Artist’s Block since she’s a painter. I said that I think they are cousins. They seem to elicit that same mix of fear and despair, especially the fear of not being heard/seen and not mattering to the world. Mattering is a good word because when one acts instead of procrastinating, its as if one translates a thought or idea into a concrete form that has shape and substance, that thought turns into matter in a literal sense. Very interesting, thanks for your comment!
cheers,
Eliza